Why MyCryptoBank.me will Donald Trump other banks:

Don't you love the feeling when you're playing a game of cards with your friends and you draw the trump card?

It's the probably one of the BEST feelings in the world. You get to be sneaky for a minute, but soon enough everyone finds out YOU are the King of the table for now.

Sadly, modern banking doesn't treat you like a King at all. Modern banks are jokers. In 2018 your funds can still be stolen from easily hacked debit card numbers and stolen routing and account numbers. Fraud is at an all time high. Those sneaky bastards are winning the game and running the whole damn show right now.

Banks do NOTHING to stop this. I believe they are clueless how to. They live in archaic ways. That, or the game is secretly rigged to keep the poor in poverty, and make even the successful have stress levels rising to all time highs because of the chaos!

Alcohol and stress medication sales are through the roof! This is certainly benefiting "Big Pharma," which is probably all going back to the big bankers who own all the stock... yadda yadda.

Enter the crypto space: decentralized, fast, no holds, no freezes, fair distribution - sounds like a Godsend? A way to beat the banks? Right? WELL, NOT if you ain't a nerd. Not if you ain't cool with the geek speak. If you ain't techno, you are on your own. And while alone, you are an easy picking for online scammers, thieves and fraudsters. The motherfuckers!

I ABSOLUTLY WILL NOT ALLOW THIS INSANITY TO GO ON ANY LONGER!

I, King Tyler VVS, shall finally put the KING back into BANKING.

On your behalf, I am creating mycryptobank.me to benefit the you, the part of you that calls yourself "me", along with your family and those with you who say "we."

I sincerely hope you enjoy this new, simple, easy peer to peer banking service.



 OUR ADVANTAGES:

• No login info - thus nothing to be hacked!
• No apps to download, no more clutter for your phone, just text or email to send money.
• Photo verification required for ALL account actions - as if you were actually at the bank in person. Any amount of personal "data" can be hacked, but a simple picture is worth thousands of words of data. My process is arguably the most secure banking process in the entire world.
• Assets are distributed between multiple cryptocurrencies, the USD, and multiple smart mining and bitcoin mining facilities for minimal volatility and steady gains.
• 3~7% variable interest rates on savings accounts (among the highest returns in the world of any bank) PLUS bonus dividends from our other business sales, ad revenue, and crypto gains.
• No monthly fees on checking accounts.
• $1.50 fee to cash out from checking or savings into any crypto currency of your choice or receive funds as USD to any US bank debit card, Chime, Netspend, or even cold hard CASH from a nearby bitcoin purchaser.
• 100% paperless, always.
• No overdraft fees, ever.
• You will always bank with the same teller you start with. Know who you are banking with at all times. Develop trust that will last a lifetime in many cases.
• Receive a $200 crypto share when you refer a friend who opens a savings account.
• Receive discounts of 3% to 10% nearly EVERYWHERE as long as you hold a savings account balance of $40. * Minimum $200 to open a savings account, must hold for at least 90 days before cashing out to qualify.


DEPOST INSTRUCTIONS COMING SOON!!!


*** WE ARE NOT FDIC INSURED, NOR WILL WE EVER BE FDIC INSURED! ***
*** IF THE ENTIRE CRYPTOCURRENCY MARKET SUDDENLY CRASHED TO $0 OVERNIGHT YOUR INVESTMENT COULD FALL BY AS MUCH AS 80%. NO MORE THAN 20% OF OUR ASSETS STAY IN FIAT. AS LONG AS THE CRYPTOCURRENCY MARKET DOES NOT FALL BY MORE THAN 50% IN A SINGLE DAY WE GENERALLY CAN CORNER BOTH SIDES OF THE MARKET, FULFILLING LOW BULK SELL ORDERS AND HIGH QUANTITY CONVENIENCE BUY ORDERS SIMULTANEOUSLY EACH DAY TO MITIGATE VOLATILITY AND INCREASE OUR ASSETS ON ALL SIDES SLOWLY. AS LONG AS MARKETS DO NOT FALL BY MORE THAN 50% IN A SINGLE DAY, WE CAN COMFORTABLY SAY, "EXPECTED GROWTH OF OUR RESERVES BY OVER 7% ANNUALLY IS A FAIRLY QUOTED EXPECTATION BASED ON REASONABLE EVIDENCE BASED PREDICTIONS." HOWEVER NOTHING IS GUARANTEED, SO INVEST AT YOUR OWN RISK. ***